2012 and the spirit of a dead friend

since i heard the news yesterday i have not really been alone. that should explain the 'friend' and it also tells the man/boy/person, who died had a brain and a mind not only occupied with himself, but with social and psychological, or so you want philosophical topics as well. (1)

just that bit closer and he would much be missed by me.


since i was a small kid i brought the revolutionairy message, alltho it lasted almost a full 20 years before i defined myself as sth. else but anti-political, a-political.

anarchist.

sometimes it is hard for me to understand the majority of people, not hard in the sense of 'what are they doing' (well not only;)..

in the sense of "why are not they doing it".

in my errant, in that i erred. my idea was people dont understand, people seem not to have the capacity to draw the lines, appear not to have the memory to connect the dots, even "my" people will never change. seemed not to "do about it".

but it was not true. people that did explicitly not allways understood what i was on about, lived their lives with nevertheless a defiant and tenacious effort to change the injustice, to emancipate the stigmatised, in all those shady and mingled areas where we still have some autonomy, where often a way of life was turned into a way of crime, by destroying rights, and the purpose of the law, by promoting fascism and superficiality.

already for some years now i understand how much i was wrong. that many people i met and spoke with, sometimes trusted, gave their everything for that ideal of a world that is rational and just.

and died.

to many died.

last year the most horrible death was the suicide of a young girl, a pretty , funny and sometimes disturbingly distraught girl, i am fortunate not to know any better then i did, because it would have depressed me for more then the few days it did.

we had one long conversation once, and when the next day we acidently met she sort of thought it was my purpose, so i actually didn't try in the least to meet again. to my late regret.

what i learned of it is that if ever anyone is open to a serious and deep exchange next time i will be very cautious before loosely letting go and setting aside worry.

alltho really i am sure it has little to do with her emotional situation or psychological well being when she died months later.
suicided, before a train.

when it had happened i voiced my disgust with a system of what is called ' income-coaching'

it means people are put without an income and it all goes to people getting a bolus per person defrauded out of the circumstances for life, and an extra income from what those would been due.

actually another friend under that circumstance died mysteriously, he was cremated before we even knew, we don't even know if he was cremated in situ, in the institution they put him in after driving him mad with destitution, like happens to so many under the circumstance(2) (one more went to that institution that year, and one person got a heroine addiction) but ofcourse that is the tip of the iceberg, i don't know everyone nor everyone's circumstances.

yet now another friend died. supposedly he died on an overdose of injected ghb.

weird as it may seem, i never heard before people (or he) injected that, and even feel a bit distrustfull about the whole thing, it is worth some observations.

financially i think he was well off. alltho this money was in the hands of other people far away, and i did not at all trust them to return plenty of it or the fruits of it to him, i said that to him, and perhaps shouldn't have.

he was quitte sick once before and got a preferential treatment compared to all other people, but one (who also gets a preferential treatment(3)) i know, in the same institution the other one died that was cremated before we knew he'd died.

now that may seem a bit weird, but it is the only such institution here and he surely had a problem when they put him in.

so i dont want to say his death is an impossibillity, what we know of it, only...

hadn't the police and authoritys acted up in other ways, that served a capitalist, absolutist and political target, more or less evicting our collective space, the place we met, talked, joked, ate, shared food and drinks, and actually also sometimes 'drugs' (4),

the place would have been still open for that, we would have still talked, i could have known if he was bad, perhaps visited if he was sick.

so it's a strange thing, but political prosecution and death in netherlands usually coincide when i know the people that die. (5)

2012 and the political spirit of a dead friend.





(1) and science, he was a rather brilliant researcher with enough fantasy to mean a thing

(2) of 'income coaching'

(3) and a more pleasant kind of preferential then this second person. the reason i believed his story about moneys in the first place)

(4) allthough ghb has no appeal for me

(5) under say 65